So Choose Love

There is a lot of perspective I have gained from the humility University Life has so much endeavored to instill in me, and I am still learning my lessons. When I have occasion to reflect upon my High School days, I do it with lots of nostalgia that paints it in a light that makes it appear perfect, when, in fact, it was everything but perfect. It is among the events in my life that have been beleaguered by uncertainty and the fear that things weren’t going to work out; yet they did! Figuring out the directions of our lives is certainly among the imperative yet most difficult things to do, especially when the effort we put in just doesn’t seem to pan out.

Our lives aren’t linear, though most times we actively seek out the opportunity to see or define them as such. The temptation to round off the edges is one that exists for most people.

What if our lives weren’t as messy as they are? What if we were just disciplined the way so and so is disciplined? What if we were in control? Some people seem to have figured out the directions of their lives, most of us haven’t, the truth is that we aren’t worse of for it.

I seem to have a terrible problem with my communication. That means that I have been unable to maintain some of the relationships that were so dear to me. My taciturnity butchered them, my apathy buried them. They have remained to be relics of a passionate past. I still wonder how I manage to clock months without getting to hear of how some of my closest friends are faring on. Though I believe I never love them less even after months of incommunicado, I have been tempted to think that their love for me has waned. But after a while I realized something that has really changed how I see my life today, or how I try to see it at least.

Whatever it is we feel we are not receiving could probably be what we are not giving. While we crave love and attention, are we giving them in the proportions we desire it for ourselves.

The bane of our existence is rooted in our solipsism. Self-absorption earns us nothing but needless anxiety and disillusionment, even in the people who love us the most. Some of the people we want to appreciate us may not be good at it, but that doesn’t mean they spun our achievements. Are we able to appreciate them ourselves? When we only think about ourselves, its so easy to be disappointed. It so easy to judge ourselves and other people, when in fact we could ask ourselves what it is that we could and would do. In order, to give ourselves the opportunity to find peace and fulfillment, we have to teach ourselves how to make heaven for other people. May be the way to find joy would be to create that joy for others, and while we make them smile, we will definitely smile as well. It is more blessed to give.

While our lives are fraught with frustrations and pain, we don’t lessen our suffering when we project this frustration at others. Other people aren’t to blame for the darkness in our lives, neither are we. When we bully others because we were bullied by our bosses we set out a domino effect that causes a mess in the world which in some way eventually gets back at us; the cat spills the milk we worked tirelessly to bring home because he was kicked by the kid who was slapped by her mother who had been insulted by her husband who had been reprimanded by his boss. We are strong to the degree that we can smile at others even when our lives aren’t all roses and rainbows. So many people have come to the realization that the easiest way to happiness is to make others happy. You have no right to claim what you are not giving. You cannot earn other people’s respect when you are rude and patronizing, you have to respect others first. When you do the right thing, when you are kind and courteous to others, it is a small thing when they do not return it. What matters is we do the right thing, whether the world meets it with indifference at best or insults our efforts at worst should not worry us. People don’t degrade us when they insult or slander us, they degrade themselves. To love is the most courageous thing to do; to know that someone will hurt you at some point, but to still love them anyway. Those who don’t want to be hurt cannot love; those who cannot love will never be happy.

It is the same thing with forgiveness. People are not perfect, it is both unfair and impossible to want them to be so. There are millions of people on earth, it is almost impossible not to step on each others toes. What we do not know is we ourselves have hurt many people while we thought we were joking; we have vociferated stinging comments that have harrowed the hearts of our victims to date ―we have caused wounds unable to heal. Yet, when people wrong us, we have never been willing to bear it. We have called it disrespect or even insubordination. To be free we need to forgive. We need to let go and let God in the most literal sense. Vengeance is his; let’s not claim part in it. Forgiveness isn’t what you do for someone else, its something you do for yourself. Love yourself enough to forgive.

With that If I have ever hurt you in any way, in my words, actions,or even inaction, I am sorry. Be kind enough to forgive me.

Life is meant to be messy, people are meant to be messy. We live because we love, and its true the other way round as well.

So choose love.