Why You May Never Find Love

Heartbreak, according to Brianna Wiest, is when somebody fails to fit into the specific notion we created of them. Suddenly, we are heartbroken because we expected that someone would behave in a certain way, and they did not. As long as we allow our expectations of fulfillment to lie with a fellow human being, we set up ourselves for heartbreak. Making us happy is not the reason people exist. These people have their own goals and lives to live, and it is a little unfair to try to force someone to be somebody else. Fulfillment, especially in the area of romance, does not work they way we think it does, and want it to. Fulfillment comes by being able to be responsible for something, in this case, the well-being of someone. Unconditional love on our part is therefore our ability to love someone unconditionally, even if they don’t love us unconditionally. That is not something many people are willing to do, and it could explain why love has eluded many of us, including myself. When we only love someone because of what they can do for us, what about the days when they will be unable to do these things. Take beauty of instance, nothing will remain of that shapely body in a few years. So when her face is wrinkled, and most of her teeth have fallen out, will you still love her? Love goes beyond a woman’s face or body. It’s a good thing to love a pretty woman, but that’s not all there is to love.

Love usually asks so much of us than we are ever ready or willing to give. What happened with all your other crushes? Why did you suddenly lose interest in all those boys you thought you loved? It’s hard to say, right? So what makes you think that you won’t lose interest in your current crush as well? The advice being advanced in the world, is that whenever we think we like someone, we should tell them. I don’t think that is ever the right thing to do. You like her, so what! You want her to be your girlfriend? Why? He is the right man for you? How did you know? Does your mentor agree?

Commitment is the reality of love that we are never willing to accept. Love is only beautiful when those in love are willing to commit to one another, and mostly commitment is independent of the other person. When we are truly in love, we don’t commit to someone because they have committed to us. Every successful love story or relationship has been so because of commitment. Love is a trade-off we are making; we are essentially saying that we are willing to focus on someone else for the season they are in in our lives. Most of us think that it will be beautiful for that person to focus on us as well. What if they won’t?

The Bible says that those who regard the wind will not sow. Love is a risk we take gladly. Aware that in the end, we risk being hurt, but choose to love anyway. If we truly love someone, we take that risk, because we know that it’s in loving them that our lives will make sense, not in them loving us.

Why has finding love been so disappointing? First Draft

Maybe life is depressing because we insist on loving people who don't love us back, who care so little. What of those who have always loved us, even when it was not convenient for them? Most of us are looking for love in the wrong places, from the wrong people. Now that I think about it, it's clear that when it matters most, it's family that will be on our side, not a crush we have been pining after. Sometimes, being a little critical only makes me more cynical when it comes to romance, which isn't a good thing, clearly. And just like most things, there's usually a story behind it, mostly a broken heart. Why don't the people we love love us back?

What is heartbreak according to Brianna Wiest [[101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think]]

The deceitfulness of our hearts, and the deceitfulness of sin by John Owen [[Indwelling Sin by John Owen]]

Why do we even have crushes, does love lie in our power? [[I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris]]

 Love is in the long term, and so much may be required of us than we may ever be willing to give. What happened with other crushes? Why did you stop loving them? Are you sure you love her? Why do you think you would want to spend the rest of your life with her?

Is there someone better than you that she would be better of having, would you give her up? Are you worthy of her?

So what will we choose? When it counts, we choose mind over heart, reason over romance.

He who regards the wind will not sow...

Sometimes we need to take the risk, if a captain wanted his ship to be safe, he would keep it at the docks, but that is not where ships were build to be.

Sometimes despite the hurt we could ever bear, we choose to love. Because when we choose love, we choose vulnerability, we choose to be hurt, to be disappointed. Is it worth it though? That's where perspective from other people come in, people need to see sense on your behalf during the times when you can only see love and nothing else.

The heart know its own sorrows, and no one can share in its joy. [[Proverbs]]

Simps Will See Dust 06

As could be expected, my eremitic tendencies led me to the solitary and farthest corner of the library, where I sank into a seat and sat without moving, suddenly subdued by the torpor of death. Without was the silence of a graveyard, within was the irrepressible din of a football stadium. When I made up my mind to come to the library, it was to do anything but study. I had come to mull over what my standing on the table of love was, and if anything, I knew I was at the precipice of relegation. Speaking of football, it felt as if my misfortunes had something to do with me being surrounded by friends who were Chelsea fans, for Chelsea had, quite clearly, established itself as a dependable source of disappointment and bad luck. As we had a Pharmacology paper in two days time, I got to see some of my classmates struggle to squeeze value out of the slippery evening hours. Even in a bid to salvage the semester, their efforts could be nothing more than the frantic kicks of a dying horse, for they had the innocent determination but clearly unattainable goal to study in a single night what was meant to be studied in a whole semester. 

I was supposed to be worried as well, for I could make no claims of preparedness, and even if I was a little ready for the paper, I could not confess that to anyone since as medical students, we had taken a silent but invariably binding oath to vehemently deny and dispel with any claims whatsoever of having studied, leave alone being ready for an exam. Affirming that you were prepared for a paper was tantamount to submissively walking yourself to the gallows, but we were ready to fight for our freedom with every ounce of energy in us, so no! I wasn’t ready for my Pharmacology test. But the terrifying thought that I had done the unthinkable thing of asking the wrong lady out nagged at my heart and seemed to rack my nerves with such unremitting insistency that left me miserable and wanting to bang the table. In that moment my mind was a simmering hodgepodge of emotional turmoil and academic anxieties that threatened to tip me into madness.

“Huh?” Ashley had asked, surprised at such an unforeseen request. A little unflinchingly, Brenda and Ashley stared at me as I croaked an embarrassing and incoherent string of phrases meant to highlight the error. I quickly tried clearing my throat but some saliva must have gotten into my trachea for I suddenly burst into what might have been the most terrifying fit of coughing. When I came to, the mortifying look of pity on their faces made me rethink the earlier defense I had intended to enact. I opened my mouth but only air proceeded from it. As it were, the universe had conspired to thwart and utterly decimate every iota of hope I had in me, or in the world, of ever winning, or even just getting close to winning the heart of the lady my heart bled for ( I beg clemency from the medical fraternity, for a bleeding heart would certainly be the most worrying case of a hemopericardium, and I am certain if it continued unabated, my love could only continue in a grave ).

“I wouldn’t mind a chat over coffee,” Ashley, deft as she was with any conversation, adroitly picked it up when it became glaringly apparent that I was struggling to reign my thoughts and convert it into a meaningful form of discourse, “Brenda will certainly come along, right?” she went on to ask in the most courteous way that for a moment, felt like salvation from the tormenting nightmare I had been in for the few minutes I had stood before Brenda. It was precisely for that reason that I had intended to leave the Microbiology practical immediately, before Ashley intercepted me and set me up for the most embarrassing moment of my life.

“No, I won’t come.” Brenda had replied in a manner that to me seemed to, strangely, bear the most disarming and breathtaking nonchalance that suddenly made her even prettier, and then with a demure smile that bore in it the potential of grabbing my whole being and tossing it off a cliff into the sea, she added a little emphatically, “it’s you he asked, and…” she continued while looking into my eyes, probably to tease me, “spoiling Henry’s date is the last thing I would want to do.”

“Brenda!” Ashley lamented as Brenda suddenly burst into a hearty but very brief laughter. I had wanted to explain myself, to swear it with my life that I could never take any lady aside from her out, as long as she walked the earth, but my heart had been all over my body, and my voice was on a holiday of sorts.

I was clearly living for a day that would never come, and I thought of what could possibly come from my infatuation. The poignancy that came with facing the reality that however great I thought my love to be, it could never make Brenda adore me if she never did. Brenda was too perfect to have me in her life. It was only years later, when I was happily wedded to L―,  that I would come to what would be the most counterintuitive realization, that I as well, had been too perfect for Brenda to have me. I might have foreseen this forthcoming awakening about a decade later as I sat there, pensive and with a crushed spirit, bemoaning my misfortunes, for I made up my mind to cut-off Brenda from my life. I had been dancing on this show of love with every sap of effort I could master, yet my audience of one had declined to come up the stage and join me. When I got home that evening, I was going to block Brenda, and delete her contact. It was time for me to leave the stage.

“Henry,” 

“Huh!” Startled, I looked up. She stood right beside me, with the most incapacitating smile painted upon her countenance. As you would expect, I was mute, and I believe I wore the most blank and confused look at that moment. Had Brenda followed me to the library?

“Can I give you a call later tonight?” she asked as she bowed her head a little, pressed her lips shut and raised her eyebrows. The cue, meant to confirm my affirmation, made her look glorious.

“Sure!” I snapped.